Book Review - Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp

Reading any book, I have found, authored or co-authored by Paul Tripp is an enlightening experience. 'How People Change', 'Instruments in the Redeemers Hands', 'War of Words', 'Age of Opportunity', and so forth. Tripp frequently describes scenarios from his counseling experience that could be about me. Spooky. Relationships: A Mess Worth Making is no different. As with every book coming from the CCEF group, the authors will take a very practical approach that highlights the sinful heart at the root of our relationships. But they never leave it there. They always show the resources available to us in Jesus. They say, "And even while we are basking in God's forgiveness, we find it incredibly difficult to bear with the sin and weakness of others. That's why, in the mirror of mercy, all of us look the same." (p. 135)

The authors start by locating our relationships in the nature of God and explain that we were made for relationships. They move on to discuss how sin impacts our relationships:

• Self-centeredness
• Self-rule
• Self-sufficiency
• Self-righteousness
• Self-satisfaction
• Self-taught

So we are made for relationships but our relationships are frequently screwed up to one degree or another. To help us see through this fog and make real progress the authors move on to discuss a number of topics important to relationships. For example, when discussing hope, they state:

The problem with relationships is that they all take place right smack dab in the middle of something, and that something is the story of redemption, God's plan to turn everything in our lives into instruments of Christlike change and growth. You and I never get to be married to a fully sanctified spouse. We will never be in a relationship with a completely mature friend. We will never live next to a neighbor utterly free of the need to grow and change. We will never have self-parenting children. We will never be near people who always think, desire, say, or do the right things. And the reason for all this is that our relationships are lived between the already and the not yet (p. 108).

I particularly found the chapters on Hope and Mercy to be massively important. The authors have a way with crafting a sentence that strikes me deep down. For example, they describe Psalm 57 as pain-stained worship (p. 169). With regard to mercy they say:

Mercy is my commitment to live along side you in this broken world even though I will suffer with you, for you, and because of you. I will do everything I can to relieve your distress. (p. 137)

I could continue to provide quotes but that may breach some copyright. I would highly recommend this book to all Christians. It is causing me to seriously address some issues in my life.